Tomorrow.
I'm nervous but in the best way possible. It's terrifying but it's exactly what I want.
Tomorrow.
I start anew, a new city, new people, new job. If it goes well it'll be my life from now on.
Tomorrow.
A 3 hour car journey, picking up a room key, dinner, unpacking. All so familiar but so all so different.
Tomorrow.
Thursday 2 October 2014
Tuesday 19 August 2014
Dear Madam,
You're wonderful, there's no doubting that. We have this beautiful connection that I like to dream is unique but still doubt that it is. The trouble is I see you get on so well with so many people, so although at times I feel like we fit together like no one ever has before when I stop and think about it I suspect that this is just how you make people feel. I need to know your flaws, I need to know why it wouldn't work but mainly I just need to grow up. A few years ago there's no doubt I would have chased this, but now time is more precious, especially the time we've both spent elsewhere.
Maybe one day our worlds will have both come crashing down around us, and we'll have so little left to lose that we can try it. Until then I'm afraid we have to be responsible adults. I'll always treasure you as a friend.
Maybe one day our worlds will have both come crashing down around us, and we'll have so little left to lose that we can try it. Until then I'm afraid we have to be responsible adults. I'll always treasure you as a friend.
Tuesday 8 April 2014
My promises
Just as a reminder to myself here are my promises for between now and exams:
1) Be in the department 9am every weekday
2) No drinking except at socials or on Friday and Saturday night
3) Exercise 5 days a week
If I achieve these I will doubtlessly achieve everything else I want to.
1) Be in the department 9am every weekday
2) No drinking except at socials or on Friday and Saturday night
3) Exercise 5 days a week
If I achieve these I will doubtlessly achieve everything else I want to.
Looking back
Reading through the old posts from years ago I couldn't help but smile. I started this blog for very different reasons but now I like having it just as a record to read myself so I'm going to try and pick it up again. The past is embarrassing, there's no denying that, but some of it is wonderful so I'm going to stick on my old profile with the stupid posts mixed in with some beautiful memories.
I guess the first thing to cover is what's happened since my last post. Still with the same girl, many sleepless nights did follow, and I hope there's many more to come (although sleep has become more of a priority in both our lives). Finals are rapidly approaching at Cambridge and procrastination is still the main reason I come back to this blog.
Materials science student, frisbee player and CLUDO, concert band treasurer. That's how my CV describes me and its fairly accurate. My best friend from last year, JJ, is off in South America and he's sorely missed. Edd and Hannah have filled the gap largely but it's not quite the same. I think I miss living with my best friend the most.
My exciting future has arrived in the form of a DPhil offer from Oxford. If I'm reading this in the future and I didn't end up going because I couldn't be bothered studying I should be kicking myself so focussing on finals is going to be the priority for the next two months. Oxford will be interesting. I'll miss not getting to live with Rachel, a lot, and its doubtlessly by far the biggest decision I've taken in my life so far. Compared to getting married and having children it's small fry though so here's to not worrying about whether I made the right decision too much.
Time to go introspective. I don't feel grown up enough for this. Making decisions like that is big, too big for one person I feel, and yet we all have to do it. I imagine I'm far from unique in this observation, but it's new to me. I've always been a go, go, go. I've always had a plan and never really doubted it. But now, now I'm worried, now I'm scared. I used to feel this way when I was much younger but I hit 16 got some confidence and nailed life for a few years, ignoring my mistakes. I miss being carefree and that being ok, I guess realising that it's not anymore is growing up, but it doesn't feel how I expected it to.
I guess the first thing to cover is what's happened since my last post. Still with the same girl, many sleepless nights did follow, and I hope there's many more to come (although sleep has become more of a priority in both our lives). Finals are rapidly approaching at Cambridge and procrastination is still the main reason I come back to this blog.
Materials science student, frisbee player and CLUDO, concert band treasurer. That's how my CV describes me and its fairly accurate. My best friend from last year, JJ, is off in South America and he's sorely missed. Edd and Hannah have filled the gap largely but it's not quite the same. I think I miss living with my best friend the most.
My exciting future has arrived in the form of a DPhil offer from Oxford. If I'm reading this in the future and I didn't end up going because I couldn't be bothered studying I should be kicking myself so focussing on finals is going to be the priority for the next two months. Oxford will be interesting. I'll miss not getting to live with Rachel, a lot, and its doubtlessly by far the biggest decision I've taken in my life so far. Compared to getting married and having children it's small fry though so here's to not worrying about whether I made the right decision too much.
Time to go introspective. I don't feel grown up enough for this. Making decisions like that is big, too big for one person I feel, and yet we all have to do it. I imagine I'm far from unique in this observation, but it's new to me. I've always been a go, go, go. I've always had a plan and never really doubted it. But now, now I'm worried, now I'm scared. I used to feel this way when I was much younger but I hit 16 got some confidence and nailed life for a few years, ignoring my mistakes. I miss being carefree and that being ok, I guess realising that it's not anymore is growing up, but it doesn't feel how I expected it to.
Sunday 18 March 2012
Going home, again
It's five am and I've barely started packing. It seems its always times like these I blog.
I'm still with stunning, smart girl from the blog five months ago and things seem to be going well.
There's a slight issue with her not trusting or believing her feelings, also things have gone fast, but I'm not too worried about either of these things.
She's incredible. She's smart, patient, caring; she'll listen to me even when I won't listen to her. Waking up to her in the morning has become a regular highlight that always brightens my day, oh and the sex is incredible. I love her.
It'll be getting light soon, I've got the curtains open so I can see the dawn, and the birds are singing already.
Work at Cambridge is going well, plenty of it as always. It's still possible that I'll get the 1st I was determined to get this year. I guess its all up to me still and how hard I work for the next couple of months. Right now I'm just looking forward to a day or two off at home and some good old home cooked food.
There's activity stirring on the other side of Cripps, someone else is up early. Time to get back to packing.
I'm still with stunning, smart girl from the blog five months ago and things seem to be going well.
There's a slight issue with her not trusting or believing her feelings, also things have gone fast, but I'm not too worried about either of these things.
She's incredible. She's smart, patient, caring; she'll listen to me even when I won't listen to her. Waking up to her in the morning has become a regular highlight that always brightens my day, oh and the sex is incredible. I love her.
It'll be getting light soon, I've got the curtains open so I can see the dawn, and the birds are singing already.
Work at Cambridge is going well, plenty of it as always. It's still possible that I'll get the 1st I was determined to get this year. I guess its all up to me still and how hard I work for the next couple of months. Right now I'm just looking forward to a day or two off at home and some good old home cooked food.
There's activity stirring on the other side of Cripps, someone else is up early. Time to get back to packing.
Saturday 29 October 2011
Lack of sleep
Here it goes. Stunning girl, smarter than me as well. She's deprived me of two nights sleep and threatens to take many more.
That's just one of quite a few things that are going well this year: a couple of good, close mates, plenty of pub trips, fairly on top of my work, and enjoying both hockey and frisbee.
All in all Cambridge life is going quite well, we'll have to wait and see what happens when I get home.
That's just one of quite a few things that are going well this year: a couple of good, close mates, plenty of pub trips, fairly on top of my work, and enjoying both hockey and frisbee.
All in all Cambridge life is going quite well, we'll have to wait and see what happens when I get home.
Tuesday 4 October 2011
Hmm
Well that didn't work out too well.
I think I always knew that though, writing the last blog involved blocking out half my head, as does this one to be honest. Telling myself I do/don't want something just because I don't/do have it. Sleeping with your best friend probably isn't the best plan in the world so now it's a steady rebuild.
Anyway back to my quieter than average life at cambridge. Well that's what it's going to be this year, last year's get drunk and party attitude didn't work out great socially so instead going to try taking it slow and getting to know people.
In the meantime I'm single without anyone on the cards so just wait and see what happens.
Coldplay's "The Scientist" is definitely going to be the song of that fortnight of mistakes, at least I didn't tell her I was smarter than her. To be honest she seems to be smarter than me, which is just infuriating as it turns out.
Oh if only I could go back to the start, it was easily the best moment of that relationship.
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