Lack of sleep

Here it goes. Stunning girl, smarter than me as well. She's deprived me of two nights sleep and threatens to take many more.
That's just one of quite a few things that are going well this year: a couple of good, close mates, plenty of pub trips, fairly on top of my work, and enjoying both hockey and frisbee.
All in all Cambridge life is going quite well, we'll have to wait and see what happens when I get home.

Hmm

Well that didn't work out too well.

I think I always knew that though, writing the last blog involved blocking out half my head, as does this one to be honest. Telling myself I do/don't want something just because I don't/do have it. Sleeping with your best friend probably isn't the best plan in the world so now it's a steady rebuild.

Anyway back to my quieter than average life at cambridge. Well that's what it's going to be this year, last year's get drunk and party attitude didn't work out great socially so instead going to try taking it slow and getting to know people.

In the meantime I'm single without anyone on the cards so just wait and see what happens.

Coldplay's "The Scientist" is definitely going to be the song of that fortnight of mistakes, at least I didn't tell her I was smarter than her. To be honest she seems to be smarter than me, which is just infuriating as it turns out.

Oh if only I could go back to the start, it was easily the best moment of that relationship.

Summer Love

It's just wonderful when you meet that one person, or rather suddenly realise that person had been in front of you the whole time. Someone you can trust completely, thing's just click and there's that feeling of complete understanding and bewildering mystery, all at the same time.

Just got to remember not to point out too many times that I'm smarter than her, a fact she'll deny even though I have exam results (a 2.1 this year) to back me up.

It's not going to be easy, nothing worth doing ever is, but I'm happy with my results from Cambridge, I have a summer job, and now there's an amazing girl in my life. I really, really hope this lasts.

24 weeks

So this is it. My final exam of the year starts in 45 minutes and then I'll have 3 hours to make all the work I've done this year count. I'll admit I haven't been the most diligent student but this year has taken a lot out of me, by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. As for the next few hours, well the question guessing is over, just a few more minutes cramming (what I hope will be) useful facts then the same procedure, finding my seat, listening to the examiner's spiel, writing my candidate number on each cover sheet, and hopefully managing to do 3 hours of maths.

I've done four already, two went well, two didn't, but I could have predicted that. As a result this final exam may decide whether my results are a success or a failure. So many of life's decisions are decided by the finest of margins, right now I have 180 minutes to prove that 24 weeks of my life spent here was worthwhile.

Wish me luck.

Time Wasting

Spent the last hour and a quarter reading through my old blogs instead of revising materials. Made me realise that many, many things never change. I think it can be considered by now that Maura and I are officially not talking. I have a date planned with someone who is in the other side of the country for 44 weeks a year so could be a while waiting for that one.

Term's being term, plenty of work that I never seem to want to do, plenty of ambition but still no real drive. Made my first revision timetable of the year today, one hour in and I'm already behind. My to do list is growing longer and longer, and the amount of time to my exams is decreasing rapidly.

It was amusing reading through my old posts, comments off the same two people, and constant apologies to my non-existant readers. It's nice having the record of what I did though, I can see why people keep diaries, even if I am the only person who will ever read it. I wonder what future me would want to know about the present moment. The girl who I've got a date with is called Molly by the way, if you (future me) are still with her you've done well my lad.

Of the things that never change:

Not doing enough revision

Waking up late

Being late for class/lectures

Skipping too many classes/lectures

Feeling down for no real reason occasionally

Feeling happy for no particular reason occasionally

Wanting to have a girlfriend, except when I have one

Spending my evenings flicking through random websites (what did people do with their time before the internet?)

That's a good enough list for now.

Things that do change:

I actually need to do some work right now.

Back in the bubble

So it's back to Cambridge once again, for the dullest term of the year. I'm prepared this time round though so it can't really go any worse than I'm expecting it to. I think my expectations were too high last term, after all it is life in Cambridge, work dominates no matter who you are (possibly excluding the Art Historians who play rugby and have time to go out 5 times a week). But hopefully occasional pub trips and two series of the West Wing will make it bearable. The main thing is just getting down to work I guess, hence the procrastinating on here when I could be doing any number of useful things.

The real upside to this term is how much I enjoyed the Easter holidays and am looking forward to summer. My lack of work is nothing terrible as I'm in the same boat as many others, it's just a case of really getting into it between now and exams. Curiously my best mate from across the hall hasn't reappeared, wondering what's happened to them, if he's not back by Monday I'll start to get seriously worried.

In the meantime I have no interesting observations on life or anything else to make this blog worth reading so it really just me rambling to myself. If anyone else stumbles across it, sorry for wasting your time and hope the next one you find is more exciting.

Tchau for now.

Once more around the block

It seems all the interesting things in life happen late at night, I can't remember the last time something fascinating at noon. It just seems that while the sun is no longer in the sky, deep conversations begin to happen and people just let their guard down a bit. I've had so many good chats on the way back from something that finished quite late and tonight was another one of those. A 5-minute walk home that ended lasting around an hour, and the discovery of a friend I'd almost forgotten I could count on. It's been a nice evening.

There's still a million things flying around my head, many the result of a confrontational conversation about the resurrection of Jesus Christ, and many more about a girl I like, which is of course the much more complicated and pressing issue.

I love the fact that there are so many blogs out there that I can rely on mine to remain hidden and hope that everyone I told about it has forgotten. I guess in a way I want my friends to know the things I write but I don't want to tell them then, this is a wonderfully unique way of getting my thoughts out into the world without actually having to say them out loud to anybody.

I think I've resolved my view on God, that just leaves understanding girls to deal with. I manage that as well I might just go down as the cleverest guy in history: disproved God and broke down the invisible language barrier between men and women. I get thinking and I might just manage both in the same night, wish me luck.

It really doesn't take much...

Another term gone, this time it went by in a flash.

I can't pick much out of it for highlights, I got dumped (well sort of), dropped for the biggest hockey game of the year, failed to secure a good set of flatmates for next year, and then told off by my ex-best friend. If I did pick any highlights they would all lie on the same weekend, which wasn't spent in Cambridge. I was at the Newcastle game for the amazing 4-4 tie with Arsenal, had a great night out with my sister and Kirsty, followed by a fun night relaxing with Kirsty and her friend at uni, Saffron, who's kind of fun.

It was a big relief to finally reach the holidays and although my originally good work ethic has dropped off somewhat there is still plenty of time for that to change, also just being able to relax around people I've known for years and who I don't really care what judgements they make of me is nice.

And to be honest things were starting to look up, a nice pair of pub trips on Friday and Saturday night, another completion of Mass Effect, and one series of West Wing down, even a good check-up at the dentist's. I was finally starting to feel good about myself, then, I discover my ex-girlfriends blog through a couple of links that should have died out months ago, and suddenly I'm back on my ass.

One and a half years on

So AS levels went well, A2s did as well. I went to Brazil for 10 weeks, broke up with my girlfriend of 15 months before I went, and most importantly I got into Cambridge University, the best university in the world, according to some sources.

The first term went well enough, few things I've promised to do differently, but on the whole not too bad. The trouble is I have mock exams in 2 days. Now over the last 2 years there's been one exam out of 14 that I got less than 90% on, if I get 70% on this one I'm doing brilliantly, anything over 50% and I'll be happy. It's very strange having to change mindset like that and I know that I'm going to feel like I've done really badly no matter how well I do so just staying positive for the later exams could be interesting.

Well better make the most of these 2 days, hard work here I come. Here's to the next year and a half, cheers.